I’ll go where you want me to go.

Six months ago.

It was six months ago that my entire life changed. And it hasn’t stopped changing since.

Funny thing, change. Sometimes it comes at you by surprise and you’re really offended by it. Sometimes, you completely know it’s coming, but you’re still offended by it.

The biggest change of all is about to take place. The most changes of all are coming.

It’s been a journey figuring us out. What we are. What we aren’t. What we’re becoming, if we’re even becoming anything anymore. Or if it matters whether or not we’re becoming anything anymore. I’m not sure what I want you to be to me now.

Yet, at the end of the day, I’m always searching for a thread. A tiny, minuscule thread that continues to ties us together.

I feel different today. It’s almost a numb apathy. It could perhaps be my tired mind, or it could be that I’ve changed. I’ve officially moved on. Something that has taken me every single day since we parted.

Sometimes I think myself silly; that I let an event that lasted all but a month change and determine my entire life. Everything is organized before you and after you. It became completely about you.

Well, what if I don’t want it to be all about you anymore? What if it needs to be about a lot of people? A lot of other people. People need me. I have a calling to a certain place, and I am going to find out why. You don’t need me anymore. And I think, finally, finally, I’ve come to a place where I don’t need you, either.

Co-exist. We will co-exist. But, I’m not dependent anymore. I’m opening a new door, entering a new corridor.

When I thought about our memories today, there was no emotional reaction. My heart didn’t hurt or skip a beat. I simply felt… blank. It was more matter-of-fact that those things happened rather than feeling emotionally-charged nostalgia. They happened. A lot of things happen in life. And then life moves on and forward.

I’m tired of my life being determined by a single event. It gives me tunnel vision when there is so much more, so much better to come and to happen. There are countless incredible experiences waiting for me. But, if I’m not looking and I’m distracted, I’ll miss them all. I don’t want to miss anything or look over a blessing. I want to be engulfed and in the moment.

I’m thinking I made a mistake in tightening the thread between us, when, really, I should have cut it. But, you know me. I can never help myself. We all make mistakes. I’ll just forget about it. Or pray for help to.

You’re going your path, I’m going mine. Yours is my past, mine is your past. We’re all passing the same lamp posts, the same street signs, in different years and different places. But, it’s not all that different in the end.

I can scarcely believe that I leave in a week from today. In a week from today, that’s it. Everything I have enjoyed will be put on hold. Everything will change. For good. I will change, for good. An entire new chapter in my life is about to begin. And, I don’t want to look back anymore.

I want to ask myself a few questions for future me:

Who did I help?
Who changed because of my efforts?
What is an overarching lesson I learned?
How have I changed?
Am I happy?

I hope, in Summer 2017, I will come back with fantastic answers to those questions. Life will be so different then. Everyone will have gone their own ways. Everyone will be living their own lives. Where will I end up?

I’ve got one head start for when I get back. It involves the north, which I am completely okay with. I just wonder where I’ll be. Who I’ll meet.

It’s only 18 months. I’ll be back before I know it.

One week.

I’m going where You want me to go. Lead me when I get there.