Proof.

It’s an exhilarating feeling to re-gain control over your life.

I do this thing where I convince myself that I’m doing just fine and I keep trucking forward, stumbling over the same things over and over and over, but still assure myself, “no, no, I’m good, I’m good!” No. I wasn’t. I needed to face the reality right in front of me that I wasn’t okay and what I was doing wasn’t okay either.

But, sometimes we have to lose our way to find it again. And, sometimes we don’t even realize we’re on the wrong path until finally we hit a wall and go, “Oh”.

Well, I’ve hit my “oh” moment. Finally. It frustrates me sometimes that I don’t notice how foolish and not okay I am being until a while later, but that stems from my need to be perfect and not to make any mistakes. I need to start being okay with the fact that I’m not perfect and that I have a mortal mind that has its weaknesses. It’s OKAY to mess up. And I’ve messed up a lot. There’s always a path back and I’ve finally figured out how to get back on it.

But, I wouldn’t trade being on that wrong path for anything, because being on it made me stronger and more willing to want to do what’s right and better. It brought me a new wave of motivation and hope.

It’s hard waiting for things. But, the best things in life come with work and time. Time is a confusing thing for me, sometimes. I don’t always notice it passing. But, sometimes I just can’t wait for it to pass. And sometimes there’s just never enough of it. What’s most weird about time is looking back and going, “Woah, wait a minute, I graduate college in April? Didn’t I just graduate high school? What’s going on?” Yeah. What.

When you’re on the right path, time is harder because you know good things are to come, but you need to wait for them. And do the work for them. And be more diligent. When you’re on the right path, your life is real.

And that’s another thing about that “oh” wall. It’s reality. It’s a thick, heavy, huge dose of reality. And it hurts. A lot. You fight and you scream and you kick and close your eyes so tight and imagine that when you open them again, what you see at that wall will be different and the hurt of hitting it so hard will subside. But, once the sting goes away on it’s own, you take a deep breath of humility, turn around, and start again.

Sometimes people hit the wall and they stay there. The set up camp, assuming their injuries are too great to go on. They stay. They stop.

That’s not really my style. Stopping and giving up are probably the most counterproductive things in the universe. There’s some quote that says, “You may slow down, but you may never stop.” Because even if you’re going slowly, you’re going faster than those that chose to stop completely.

I’m going to continue this journey of life, no matter the speed. And I’m sure i’ll hit more walls. And I’m sure it’s going to hurt. And I’m sure it’ll be frustrating.

But the end result is better and sweeter than any of those paths that lead to those walls.