The best of us.

I’ve been hit with a strong, intense dose of reality as of late. I like to pretend. Pretending is easier. But, once in a while, real life breaks back through and I can’t pretend anymore and I’m extremely exposed and scared. I think it’s easier to accept reality in little doses each day instead of having it dumped on you in bulk after having ignored it for a good chunk of time.

Sometimes you suddenly realize you’re not the person you thought you were. You realize that maybe you’re not as strong as you thought, that your defenses were weakened without you even noticing. The monster of pride sneaked up and took hold of your heart before you had the chance to strike back. You forget a lot of things. You forget who you are, even. But, then again, who are you, really?

I once thought that I’d finally figured out exactly who I am. I was confident in that. I was comfortable with my definition of me. I would proudly tell others exactly who I was and would beam and shine whilst doing it. But, life has a way of reminding you that you are constantly becoming. This is not to say that there aren’t things about yourself you haven’t figured out that are eternal. There are many things about me that do define me, that do make me who I am. But, that doesn’t mean I’m not done becoming. I’m still cooking.

We are never done learning, and the second you think you know enough (or the second you think you know more than anyone else in the world) is the second that you need to stop and remember. Humans are bad at remembering. I’m really, really bad at remembering. My brain isn’t what it used to be.

I’m going to hold on to what I know is true and what I believe in, yes. But, I’m going to stop fighting the fact that I am constantly evolving and changing and it’s OKAY not to like something you liked the day before. Just figure out the eternal truths that are constant and build around that. I’m grateful I have eternal truths in my life to base everything on. It makes me a lot less lost.

I get lost sometimes. I have a source of light to lead me out of the dark forest, though. Thank goodness, I’d rather not wander along forever in circles.

I’ve been reading about light lately. Light chases darkness, and darkness cannot overpower light. Light has the ability to lead and to guide. Darkness doesn’t understand light. We don’t understand darkness. Light is there to guide.

Reality isn’t always a bad thing. Only when you’re not mentally prepared to accept it. I wasn’t yesterday. But, today I’m accepting and calm. There’s actually a great thing about reality: change is completely possible. Tomorrow can and will be completely different from today. I don’t think people realize just how much power they hold over their own lives. They feel so controlled over things that they let control them. You don’t have to be the same personal tomorrow as you are today if you don’t want to. It’s really empowering to think about, but a lot of people are too scared to change their routine. Or, the forgetful brain comes into play, and when they wake up the next morning, they don’t remember their great intentions of the night before. There is power in writing things down.

Reality means change. Change means facing reality. Reality is harsh. But, we’re tougher than we think.

I’m going to trust the unfailing source of eternal truth. It’s the only thing worth staying in my reality.